fel dreams

Tue, 30 Apr 2019 04:36:36 GMT

Also, I'll probably try to write some fills.... sometime, when I'm not mentally wiped and tired and angry at all the stupid after-work work events.

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Tue, 30 Apr 2019 04:35:59 GMT

So, first --

Many things have happened; I've moved, started a new job, adopted a new kitten, and many other things--which is a large part of why I suddenly stopped posting here (and tumblr and most everywhere to be honest). I just haven't had any time.

Secondly, been doing more reading in Korean, which means more focus on writing up reviews in Korean, and those have their own dedicated blog.

Anyway, the actual thing that I've been musing about:

One of my new coworkers has mentioned she wants to read the whole Bible; I don't take issue with that. What keeps wandering through my head is, well... her methodology to make that happen. Instead of actually reading it and thinking it through, she's been using a program to basically line by line type it. So technically, she is still reading it but.....

Is she?

Some of this might be because I recently finished reading <책을 지키려는 고양이>, a book that concerns itseful, among other things, with how different people engage with the books that they read. One of the puzzles involved a person who read as much as quickly as possible, without regard for reading things more than once or at any speed other than as quickly as possible. Reading for the sake of saying you had done it, instead of for the joy the process gives you.

The way my coworker is 'reading' the Bible strikes me the same way. I suppose I don't see the point in such a reading--she types it, then goes to the next sentence, and speed seems to be the name of the game; once she finishes whatever she's typed for the day, she turns back to browsing other things.

There's no... reflection?

And that's weird to me, for a lot of different reasons. Some of it is because my own particular spiritual lens is deeply personal and calls for a lot of reflection and trusting my gut. Some of it is because of how I've seen my own (Christian) family members also read decide to read the whole Bible--and that this meant, to them, carefully reading over groups of chapters and then contemplating them at length, and trying to understand them through the lens of the present.

I guess I just don't see what she's getting out of 'reading' by speed typing every line without any particular reflection. It seems performative, but then, I guess that's her business and not mine. It just feels like there probably are much better uses of her time.

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Book Review - The Cooking Gene: A Journey Through African American Culinary History in the Old South

Fri, 08 Feb 2019 04:13:08 GMT

[goodreads link]

This is probably one of the most important books I've read recently, and also, by nature of the subject, one of the hardest. Just reading the title should make it clear that this is ultimately a book deeply involved in the American slave trade--its history and its impact on Southern food culture.

I'm also not entirely sure how to write this particular review. I'm white, to start off, so even while reading this I've been wrestling with what to say and how to say it. Michael Twitty is also a professional, has done way more research than I've ever ever considered doing in my entire life, and this book is as much a semi-family biography as it is a history of African American food.

But he loves food. He loves Southern food, and food history, and the ways and whys and hows our shared food culture came to be, and I can understand that. So, to start, foremost:

If you have any interest in Southern food (and, thanks to that, African American food), you absolutely need to read this book.

( Read more... )

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Fic Recs - Tony Stark Bingo Edition (1/?)

Fri, 08 Feb 2019 00:35:39 GMT

These are some of the Tony Stark bingo fills that have already been posted! Some stipulations:

I mostly read sub 5k (and usually sub 4k if I'm honest) fics
I mostly avoid any and all angst these days for mental health
typically don't read much explicit fic these days
Stony is a hard no
as is Strange/Stark
honestly i have a surprising number of eeehhh for tony ships
if your fic isn't on this list, it's not because i hated it or whatever, these are just the fics that i had time to read and enjoyed and want to share!!!

Those out of the way, here's the ones I had time to read!!!

Cheesy Pick Up Lines by https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan - 865 words - Tony/Bucky preship, Modern fluff, Meet Cute -- Oh my goooodddd this is soooooo cute. I love the food truck puns, and Peter is cute and sassy and good. I also love Tony's running thoughts in this one, and feel like it really captures his voice!!

Performance Issues by tuesday - 1776 words - Peter Parker/Tony Stark - 5+1, Crack, Fluff, Sex Pollen (but no sex while under influence of said sex pollen), age gap, mature rating -- This is a fun bit of crack, and does a great job running with the concept of the universe wanting these two to bone but both of them finding ways to avoid it. Mind the tags, the warnings are at the bottom of the fic in an A/N instead of at the top, and otherwise have fun with this silly little romp through space.

Can't Cake my Eyes off You by mistrstank - 1759 words - Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark - Celebrity AU, baking fluff -- Tony is sooooooo hilariously clueless to how Bucky feels about him in this, and Bucky is going absolutely mad trying to get Tony to understand how much he cares about him. Bucky's also a youtube baker, and that on its own is pretty great. I love the little winks at canon--Bucky having been in a war, Tony's space fixation--while being its own self-contained little fluffverse.

(We are the ones)For Now by sleepoverwork - 1019 words - Pepper Potts/Tony Stark OR Pepper Potts & Tony Stark - nebulously canon adjacent, fluff, Pepper Potts is HBIC -- This is such such such a good Pepper Potts POV character study, and I wish we had more like this! It's so good, and we get a glimpse into just how much Pepper controls her surroundings. I also loved how it's so clear Tony thinks the moon and stars of Pepper even though it's not from his POV.

That's all for now!! I'll try and do another round up of these as more come up! There are, of course, more fics at the bingo's collection [here on ao3] and a lot of people putting forth great work, so definitely give it a read and see if you find something new you'll enjoy!!!

ETA: for like 2 seconds I had a link pointing to the wrong collection, it's been fixed!!

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Tony Stark Bingo - The Wedding Guest [square: confessing under the influence] (1.9k words)

Thu, 07 Feb 2019 02:49:32 GMT

It's time for another Bingo card! I'm a lot happier with the one I got for this go round, and I have some excellent squares I can't wait to fill! I'm going to be trying to do mostly comedic writing for this, because it's an area of fiction writing I'd like to work on, and also because it's just dang fun to write. Anyway, without further ado, here's my first fill!!

Tony Stark does not typically, under usual circumstances, go to weddings. They're just not his scene; he just isn't the biggest fan of all the hustle and bustle, and then there's the travel, because he's moved out to California but almost everyone else is still back on the East Coast, and furthermore, weddings are just. A bit excessive.

(It has zero to do with being jealous, or the bittersweet reminder of the almost-wedding with Pepper, or anything else, and he'd appreciate if no one acted sympathetic about it, thanks.)

But. Well.

Here he is, on a plane, going to a wedding, and he's still not entirely sure why.

(Except he totally, absolutely knows.)

( Read more... )

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Fic Recs - Gen Avengers Bonanza

Tue, 29 Jan 2019 00:11:10 GMT

A little collection of (mostly) recent general audiences Avengers fic. Other than the first, all are sub 3000 words as well!!

It Starts Out Like an A-Word (As Anyone Can See) by Amy -- 8 chapter, 8092 words -- Each chapter is it's own little peer through the eyes of one of the Sesame street characters towards different members of the Avengers' team. It's pure fluff, and wonderfully well done. There's definitely nuance to the emotions here, and Amy has an excellent grasp of both the Sesame Street characters and the Avengers. There's no real overarching storyline here, just little scenes, but it's very much worth reading.

Three times Vision changes form on his own (and one time he doesn't) by stories_with_no_ending - 1919 words - Wanda/Vision -- I loved this so so much; it has Vision beginning to question their gender, how they fit with it, and how they fit within their body, and it's handled gracefully and gently. Wanda immediately works on trying to understand what Vision is going through, and by the end everyone has pretty much accepted this about Vision. I just love this so much, and wish things were this easy in the real world.

by Hydra_Trash_Gal - 448 words - Tony & Winter Soldier/Bucky -- A very very quick and low-angst (but still angst) fic about the Soldier (and Bucky) asking forgiveness and Tony eventually giving it.

Married?? by smith_lyra - 1198 words - Loki & Tony Stark -- Enemies to friends! It's very quick, and done in the 5+1 format that's almost always a delight to read. I love that it just assumes we're along for the premise, and doesn't spend ages trying to justify itself for what it is--some very fun, comedic fluff.

Modern Inconveniences by matrixrefugee - 237 words -- A Steve Roger's study, with his reaction to the drastically different textile practices of the modern day from what he grew up with. I love these sorts of little deep dives!

My Dad is my Hero by itislacey - 1792 words - Tony & Peter, Tony/Pepper -- A very cute kid!Peter and dad/mom Tony and Pepper. This is so adorable I wanted to claw my face off, and itislacey absolutely nailed how kids talk and act at that age. It's great, and there's some absolutely lovely family dynamics in here.

I'll Protect You by tonystank - 427 words - kid!Thor & kid!Loki -- A cute little kid!Loki has a nightmare and goes to kid!Thor to help. Ends on an angst note tho ;n;

Butter, Sugar, Flour, Salt by victoria_p - 536 words - Bucky focused -- I love food and I love fics where it's obvious the author also loves food, and so here we are. Food as memory, and food as a connection between people, too. This is short but lovely, just like the cookies referenced within the fic.

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Saturday Talks

Sat, 26 Jan 2019 04:09:15 GMT

Last week there was a friend's weddig, and I missed Saturday entirely as such; this is pretty late and well after I've woken up, but that's how life goes sometimes.

This week, just one card--it's what feels right, though I have no idea how it relates to what has come before.

Things that leap out right away are the key and thread, and the fact there are two rabbits--one who looks ahead, and one running inside the spool and looking back.

Within mythologies, there is often this narrative of threads of fate; the idea of thread and weaving has often been significant to me too. I don't necessarily entire buy into the idea that we are on a set path that cannot be changed, but at the same time so often in Norse myths we see that some things cannot be changed, only the bits and pieces that lead up to them.

And yes, sure, that can be questioned too--a lot of the Ragnarok myth certainly feels rather Christian--but it doesn't change those are the myths we got, nor does it change that Vali is bound up very much with the way things end.

After the repeated references to bindings and repairing the last time we had one of these talks, it makes sense that threads like this would feel so weighty.

The key, too, seems important. It lies, mostly unseen, but it has a shadow and weight that some other elements of the card lack. It's also so close, and yet no one seems to notice it. Solutions not yet found, isn't that how it goes? I'm not sure what else it holds, and maybe that's just noise.

I'll be honest, I'm exhausted this week, and I'm not sure what else there is in this card. The looking back to look forward seems so obvious as to not be worth commenting on; of course the past has shaped the present and will shape the futures that lay ahead. We'll just put a pin in this one and move on--I'm honestly mostly doing this entry to try and get in the habit of doing these, and not every week can be full of meaning.

Also, the falling stars are a nice little touch--either a wish, or a world ending?

Maybe it's both.

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Fic Recs - MCU, mixed grab bag (all have Loki somehow)

Wed, 23 Jan 2019 02:48:53 GMT

Don't feel like writing, do wanna get some fandom related stuff done before lunch, so let's do some little fic recs!!!

Night Time is For Sleeping (In Theory) by STARSdidathing - Loki/Tony Stark, 2034 words, modern day au -- Super cute little fic where Loki works graveyard shift at 24-hour convenience store and Tony is the project-obsessed insomniac we all know and love who shows up to buy redbull (and flirt). Quick, cute, and has some really resonant moments.

in that bright land to which I go by 100 indecisions - Loki & Frigga, 3503 words, post Infinity War 1/Loki's dead -- A very soft little character study of Loki and Frigga's relationship and Loki's history within the MCU through his particular lens. Very soft, very gentle, better justice than we got with that train wreck burning garbage can that was Infinity War.

Borderline Genius by Catchclaw - Loki & Thor, 970 words, Modern Day Office AU - Everyone at work thinks Loki is fucking his best friend Thor, and there's a betting pool. Loki is a bit dense about why they'd think that. It's super cute and very funny.

Pictures of You by NCSP -- Loki/Tony Stark, 1436 words, Avengers family post-accords -- A really fluffy fun post-accords but not destroyed Avengers family/tower fic. Loki as vain and preening and aloof.

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Prompt Fill - Blackbird Dreaming - Incomplete (part 2/??)

Tue, 22 Jan 2019 01:50:00 GMT

Continuing from where we left off yesterday with some overlap.....

Steve's waiting in the hallway outside Loki's room, like Thor asked him to, and he can hear the two brother's arguing. Mostly, he can hear Thor, who keeps getting loud, then quiet, then loud again.

Loki, it seems, is more restrained about raising his voice.

Eventually, the door opens, and there is Thor.

( Read more... )

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Prompt Fill - Blackbird Dreaming - Incomplete tbc?????? who knows

Mon, 21 Jan 2019 02:28:50 GMT

From this post on tumblr:

thelightofthingshopedfor asked: That hero/villain post you just reblogged made me think--have you ever written something where Steve's in trouble and he goes to Loki for help, basically a reverse of the original RTC setup? I know you've written Loki observing Steve and sometimes stepping in to help, but I'm not sure if you've written anything with Steve (or any card-carrying Good Guy, really) being in enough trouble to decide Loki's the better alternative.

veliseraptor:

oh man I really want to write this and/or for this to exist and I just need someone to help me figure out how to make it exist, because yeah, Steve for some reason thinking to go to Loki for help would be such a Thing and I’m into this idea a lot

consider this either a) request for ideas or b) free prompt to good home

post-avengers 1 diverge

Steve knows precious little about magic.

(If he's honest, he's not even sure he believes in magic, that what Thor and his brother do is magic, but he doesn't want to say it's not either, because--because... well.

There were just aliens all over New York, and Thor's from an entirely different planet, so maybe.

He can't say there's not magic, that's for sure.)

( Read more... )

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Prompt Fill - The Mating Rituals of Same Sex Botanists(Loki x Loki, 800 words)

Fri, 18 Jan 2019 04:29:24 GMT

Was talking to foxachu [tumblr][ao3] this morning, and she sent over this prompt:

“we’ve been sleeping together on and off for almost a year and i know it’s angry hate sex but i got you a little gift because it reminded me of you”.

Of course I gotta write it. How could I not? Established relationship, obviously, let's go. Two Loki's, one of whom is named Luke for ease of reading.

If asked to count all of the ways that he hates Luke, Loki is fairly certain he could fill at least a six part book series, and each book would be a minimum of one hundred thousand words each. In all the time that he lived, he has never once known someone that he hates as much as he hates the fellow botanist on staff.

The nice thing about working for big ag is that he almost never runs into him in the office. Both of them are more often in the field.

( Read more... )

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Meet Ugly #71 - Bookstore Blackmail (Loki/Tony Stark - 1.7k words)

Wed, 16 Jan 2019 06:06:17 GMT

you’re famous and you want to hide out in my bookstore which is fine except the stupid paparazzi won’t leave and now there’s a photo of us in the tabloids and they’re printing misinformation and why the fuck won’t you clear this up on your twitter account - Meet Ugly #71

It is a quiet day.

If Loki's honest, nearly every day at work is a quiet day for him--spent filling online orders and carefully mailing off the books, the ticking of the clock interrupted rarely by the ringing of the phone, and even more rarely by the front bell ringing.

LaFey's Rare Books has never been the most happening of bookstores, and Loki wouldn't have it any other way. Surrounded mostly by banks and offices, on a very quiet street, the only people who arrive usually know exactly what they're looking for.

Which is why the current customer is a problem.

"Sir," Loki says, attempting to keep his annoyance out of his voice.

( Read more... )

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Saturday Talks - Connections and Reflections

Sat, 12 Jan 2019 03:46:41 GMT

A series of small conversations using the 스티치 래빗 타로.

It was a little surprising, drawing these cards and finding that this time, there's not a particular one that's for me. This week feels.... about connections, but also depths, and like a closer dive into both Rán and Vali and how they (might) interrelate within my practice--and that, too, is important to work out.

The left is for Rán; the right for Vali. The initial impression I have of this particular layout is one of surface and depths--and the depths are also how they both relate and conflict with each other. It is significant, I think, that both Vali and and Rán have celestial bodies; equally significant they both have cards that so strongly tie to binding, and the... way these are flipped, too--Vali's celestialism is on his sleeve, a front facing part of his nature, while Rán's binding is, too, part of her front facing.

Where to start, then?

Let's start with Rán's front facing aspect, then--Strength.

( Read more... )

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Five Times It Was(n't) A Date, and One Time It Was - Fem!Frostiron (1400 words)

Wed, 09 Jan 2019 04:48:45 GMT

Filed under 5+1 because it's the same general premise, just one (in text)number short.

I.
"So I'll pick you up at eight?" Toni confirms, half leaning across the passenger seat so she can still see Loki's face.

"Yeah," Loki says, focused on her phone, long black hair half falling in front of her face. She looks up, the quickest flash of bright green eyes meeting Toni's, before she's looking at her phone again. Toni grins lazily, waves, and then sits up right before pulling away from the curb.

That date went pretty well.

***

I just don't know what she's thinking, is she into me?

I mean, you're meeting up for another date Friday right?

We did not go on a date, it was just l u n c h. Loki perhaps punches send a bit harder than necessary, then shoves her hair out of her face and scowls at the pile of dishes in the sink that need doing. It definitely wasn't a date.

Right?

( Read more... )

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some loki/steve rogers winter prompts

Tue, 08 Jan 2019 05:57:01 GMT

Not feeling any of the meet uglies, the vague melancholy Steve Rogers is Sad(tm) fic isn't really working out, and don't feel like working on the novel rewrite, so here's some prompts:

1. One of the few 'joys' of working the skate rental booth over winter break has and will always be watching the adults try and fail to teach children how to skate. Perhaps he's mean spirited, but Loki never quite manages it for this years cute new instructor--a scrawny guy with blond hair and blue eyes and a smile that is as disgustingly sincere as it is wide.

2. Loki is perfectly capable of getting his christmas tree on top of his car thank you, and he doesn't need some tall blond and stupid stranger's help.

3. Steve's been working at the coffee shop for a while now, and he doesn't mean to snoop, but he can't help hearing one of the regulars on the phone and a declaration they're not going home for Christmas, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

4. Steve's new neighbor has been hiding inside since they moved next door, but after the snowstorm, they can't hide forever. There's snow piled high on a sidewalk that needs clearing; Steve's happy to help, but first he needs to see if said neighbor is even alive. He wades through the mid-shin high snow to the front door and knocks.

5. Steve doesn't usually work the late night shift at the grocery, but since he lives in walking distance and there's a blizzard en route, he volunteers to take someone else's shift. Unfortunately, that means he's also working with the grumpiest and most sour stocker he's ever had to work with; it's not his fault there's a storm, so maybe Loki shouldn't act like it is when they both get snowed in.

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2018 review: or the year i gave up on fandom

Mon, 07 Jan 2019 02:39:29 GMT

So since my productivity this morning was entirely sidelined by my coworker bringing her (obvious to all of us, including her) faking-it ill son to work, who could not be quiet if his life depended on it, I guess I'm going to do this instead of actually write any fic.

I... did more than I thought I did in 2018 (certainly more than 2017, with all of one fic that it feels like no one read or cared about (let's ignore the 70k novel I wrote)), though the vast majority of it was when I started doing the Meet Ugly stuff near the end of the year. There were also the various awkward attempts to jump start any sort of interest in my fandom offerings (30 days of steve/loki basically); one finished and very, very late commission (Changes) which was as much me processing the grief of not being able to write as it was finishing something owed; and an angry fix-it that I didn't finish post-Infinity War (Promises)(and which I took the rough premise of and converted into the 2019 fic Tangerines are sweet enough). The vast, vast majority of 2018 was just... not writing, and I guess in order to review my 2018 output we need to talk about just why that was, because there were a lot of things that finally came to a head in 2018 that made it so I had zero interest in trying to write.

Through when I joined the Marvel fandom sometime around 2012 (based off that being when I published my first fic to AO3, though I know I was publishing a few things on fanfiction.net before I got my AO3 account), I followed some very prolific and well-liked authors. I even talked to several from time to time, and because I joined when I did, my 'baseline' for what was normal feedback levels was extraordinarily skewed. I saw people interacting with these authors daily, and I interacted with them, and I was lucky enough my work resonated with others and they would interact with me. This became, over time, more and more rare--at least for me, and in my head a lot of that was tied to the fact my output (despite, I think, increasing in quality enormously from when I started writing for the fandom in 2012) had slowed down.

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Saturday Talks

Sat, 05 Jan 2019 01:07:35 GMT

This is perhaps a weekly thing I'll be doing with a new 'tarot' deck, to get back in the habit of trying to have a conversation from beneath the ocean of Korea's spiritual landscape. Will it go anywhere? I'm not sure. Will I keep up with it? Who knows. But I've felt the urge to try reconnecting with a spirituality I have let linger, and I think having a way to touch base again is for the best.

This deck is the 스티치래비타로카드 deck, which is just the Major Arcana done up in absolutely adorable watercolors of this little bunny doll. I don't even know how I noticed it, but I did and it felt right, so here we are.

A branching path this week; where we are is the Empress, and where we are going is Temperance (Rán) or The Hanged Man (Vali).

It is Rán, isn't it? That chat log is long lost to the bowels of tumblr, but the name feels right; whoever she is, she is of the sea, protected by the little wooden duck her pearl is nested away inside. Temperance.

Maybe this isn't so much a choice as it is an introduction, a conversation this first week I sit down with them all. Temperance, Rán. Vali, The Hanged Man. And me--Empress.

( Read more... )

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Meet Ugly #92 - He Won't Say that he Loves You (Armitage Hux/Ben Solo) - 1.7k

Fri, 04 Jan 2019 05:29:12 GMT

Oh boy >:3

you’re my best friend’s sibling / my sibling’s best friend and we’ve never gotten along, so of course it had to be you to find me stuck outside my house naked even though we haven’t seen each other in over two years - Meet Ugly #92

"Come on come on come on," Ben mutters under his breath, shoving against the window. Apparently when Rey repainted the exterior of her house she just painted the windows too, and now here Ben is, straining to shove open a window in the ice cold winter air, butt-fucking-naked because he lost a stupid bet he shouldn't have made and--

"I have a gun," a voice says, and Ben runs cold to his soul--not because of the below-freezing air but because he knows that voice, too well, and he considers just smashing his head through the double-pane glass. He'll either make it through or give himself a concussion, and honestly, at this point? Either would be great.

"Really don't think that's necessary," Ben says over his shoulder, not daring to look. "And hey, what are you doing back in town? Got tired of eating frat boy cock?"

"I--Ben?" and huh, that's weird, he'd expected anger. "Where the hell are your clothes?"

( Read more... )

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Short N Sweet Frostiron Fic Recs

Thu, 03 Jan 2019 05:43:01 GMT

All of these are smaller, sweet little things you can potato chip snack on for an afternoon/evening, because right now I break out in hives at the thought of reading anything longer than 5k.

Smoke Signals by schroedingersfox -- 730 words -- A little slice of a magic AU, pre-relationship. Come for great and tiny little world-building details, stay for Loki's clearly fumbled text.

Midnight Misdial by schroedingersfox -- 740 words -- Human au, pre-relationshi; Loki accidentally misdials Tony's number after a nightmare, and Tony both picks up and doesn't hang up. I love this one for the hints of how they'll fit together in the future and the humour--fox has a lovely sly humour that seeps into her work, and this one is no exception.

My Ray of Sunshine by jyuukyuu -- 460 words -- domestic fluff; A very lovely and warm little ficlet. Tony's laying in bed, waiting for Loki to wake up.

Witness the (Not) Heroes by Of_Lights_And_Shadows -- 310 words -- AU, depowered Loki, meet ugly, Tony still got a suit; This is a great little meet ugly, where Loki witnesses Tony commit a murder, and then gets spotted. Short and sweet and got a good chuckle from me.

Special Gifts by STARSdidathing -- 2930 words -- Avengers family, courtship rituals, holiday fic -- Oh my GOD this fic made me squeal, I love a good courtship fic so much, and Tony's hapless cluelessness *kisses fingers* perfect

To Learn To Dance by anonymousstoryperson -- 1400 words -- AU: no powers, royalty (kind of princess diaries vibe), ballroom dancing -- A super cute and funny fic where Tony's being taught how to ballroom dance, but keeps being distracted by his very attractive, no nonsense teacher.

That's it for today, hope you find one in here you like!

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Tangerines are Sweet Enough - 4.2k, Loki/Steve Rogers

Wed, 02 Jan 2019 04:21:33 GMT

gaslightgallows wrote this in response to my comment on their title meme:

It’s one of the few things Steve still has that no one can touch: the simple taste of citrus fruit, gone from Depression-era rarity to dizzingly common. And it’s one of the things he’s hesitant to share. But for one broken Asgardian prince, back from the dead one too many times to ever be quite whole again, he might consider making an exception.

And frankly, I couldn't resist, so here we are. [crosspost to AO3]:

It's cold, on the roof of the compound, and the forest all around them is dark and towering. Steve shuts the door to the roof behind him quietly, steps further out so he can see a bit better by the moonlight, then pauses.

There's someone else here.

It takes a very long few seconds for him to relax; he's been so keyed up since... everything, and as much as he appreciates the chance to relax out in the middle of nowhere, there's just--

They spent a long time running, once Thanos was dead.

"I know you're there," a rough and low voice says, and finally Steve knows who it is--Loki.

"I didn't know anyone else was up here," Steve says in reply, approaching cautiously. He's still not entirely sure what to make of Loki--Thor had said Thanos strangled him, and Steve believes that, and he believes Thor never thought to see Loki again. He didn't see Thor's face when Loki showed back up, skin tinged with the faintest orange glow; he was too busy staring at Bucky, somehow alive and whole, too busy with his own world. It wasn't until after that Steve... that any of them realized Loki was there.

Sometimes, just barely, Steve's seen the faintest flicker of orange at Loki's joints, a gleam in his eyes.

"Mm," is all Loki says in reply as Steve joins him at the edge of the roof. Steve leans against the thick ledge that Loki's sitting on.

He's seemed... different, from what Steve remembers. What any of them remember. But then, that was years and several disasters ago. In the silvery moonlight, he's all contrasts.

Steve doesn't comment how the light seems a lot warmer than it should where it touches Loki's skin.

"Can't sleep?" Steve asks.

"I am not up here to make conversation," Loki says, only his eyes sliding to view Steve askance, the slightest dip at the corner of his mouth.

"Alright." Steve looks away from Loki, looks out across the forest that swallows up the light, then up at the stars and sky. Steve's glad they aren't up there, that they're finally back on Earth, that things are finally starting to mend. It doesn't change how his stomach twists all the same staring up at the firmament.

They don't talk, and Loki doesn't look at Steve again. He just sits, a shadow in the periphery of Steve's vision. Eventually, Steve can feel the thoughts that propelled him up to the roof settle, the promise of sleep creeping into his bones, the lids of his eyes.

"Good night," Steve tells Loki.

Loki hums, a low and warm sound, but he does not turn from where he stares out across the forest.

If Steve's honest, he didn't expect him to.

( Read more... )

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Book Review - I Contain Multitudes by Ed Yong

Mon, 31 Dec 2018 04:27:05 GMT

[goodreads link]

So one of my deepest loves and side passions is disease. I just like learning about them! I like learning how they've shaped and affected our lives, how they work, the mechanisms, all of that. Some diseases have bacterial and microbe roots, so when I found this book I thought for sure it would be right up my alley.

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If you are at all interested in microbiology, I absolutely cannot recommend this book enough. It's fascinating and well-explained; Yong makes sure to try and de-jargon as much as possible without losing the nuance needed, and it should be accessible to most laypeople.

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Meet Ugly #58 - Lesser Demons and the Days of Their Lives

Fri, 28 Dec 2018 02:41:09 GMT

This one takes place in the same universe as this fic here, and while you don't need to read that one to understand this one, I still recommend it anyway because it's very good.

58. I’m a demon, you’re a witch, we’re enemies but when I show up to kill you, you’re crying and I really don’t know what to do now -Meet ugly #58

There is actually nothing that Jajjung hates more than being summoned during the middle of a season finale. One minute he's leaned forward, watching Bez't'ial the Five Hundred Furies attempt to break up with their four member polymorphous relationship quadrilateral, the next, there is that awful stomachs-wrenching twist as he's yanked bodily across dimensions, blinking in material plane lighting and trying to maintain some sort of dignity on his four legs while he gets his bearings again.

It has been a long time, even for a demon, since Jajjung has last been summoned to the material plane, but he still hasn't forgotten how it makes all three of his stomachs want to hurl.

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Getting out: or why I hate Armitage Hux and also can't stop fucking writing about him

Fri, 28 Dec 2018 01:40:26 GMT

This one has been a very very long time in the old brain pan, and finally has noodled its way out. It is a very long read (~1800 words), and it is also quite personal (particularly towards the end). I don't know if anyone else will want to read it, but it's here if you do.

It's one of those things where I think it was important that I write it for me, because I needed to get it out on paper. If you get anything out of it, then I'm glad.

I don't know how other people who ship Hux and Kylo do it. I scroll through my twitter feed, like a couple posts here and there, but in general I've found that I'm most comfortable not sharing that around. I do the same with tumblr, though occasionally (with extensive tagging) I'll reblog something there I would prefer not to lose. On the one hand, I get the appeal of two awful broken people who manage to find something in the other they couldn't find anywhere else.

On the other hand, they're both fucking fascists.

I have read so much meta and back and forth and circling around this fact, both inside and outside of the ship. There are some very eloquent words trying to justify actually, they are not, and here's why, and I do think I understand why people do that. I also know that it has done nothing to convince me.

In the modern movies, the First Order is very much coded in every way possible as fascists. They're space Nazis.

No one wants to feel bad for a ship they enjoy; no one wants to feel ashamed for their fandom interests. No one (well, no one with good morals) wants to admit they like some Nazis. I get that. I get that on a very personal level--I have been struggling since I first started reading Hux/Kylo fic with the fact they are ultimately two horrible awful people, who even if they are not Fascists are very much aligned with that ideology in the canon text. After all, if it walks and quacks like a fascist, then you might as well treat it like one.

Fascist fascists fascists.

I keep repeating this word. I feel like I need to make it abundantly clear I understand what the canon says about both of these horrible no good people. I feel like that is the absolute bare minimum required--to acknowledge, yes, Armitage Hux of the First Order is a fucking fascist and--

I still love to write his character anyway.

Wait, what?

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Meet Ugly #11 - New Dealer

Thu, 27 Dec 2018 03:36:09 GMT

11. my old dealer is moving to be with his boyfriend, so he hooks me up with you and you refuse to sell to me because I cut in front of you in line one time YEARS ago and I’m not even sure that it was me. this is ridiculous - Meet Ugly #11

"Trust me, he's cool," Clint says as he neatly finishes tying the ribbon around the flower basket. "Really good quality stock, good eye for arrangements. He's been in the business longer than me." He leans back, looking at the basket.

"If you say so," Tony says, crossing his arms. "Are you sure you don't want me to just buy the shop and keep you here?"

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Meet Ugly #15 - Bar Fight

Wed, 26 Dec 2018 00:51:33 GMT

This time a gift for L. Bit late, but when have I ever been on time with any of my gifts? And if I have, don't remind me.

15. I step out of the bathroom and right into the middle of a bar fight and you punch me accidentally so I punch back on instinct - Meet Ugly #15

It is not the kind of bar that would be Hux's first choice. Or second, or third, all the way down the long list of options. It might even be one of his last choice's, but networking has taken him to worst, and besides, he is well aware these are the kinds of bars where he's mostly likely to gather the best of blackmail as well.

That's why he's here tonight--blackmail.

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