fel dreams

So, first --

Many things have happened; I've moved, started a new job, adopted a new kitten, and many other things--which is a large part of why I suddenly stopped posting here (and tumblr and most everywhere to be honest). I just haven't had any time.

Secondly, been doing more reading in Korean, which means more focus on writing up reviews in Korean, and those have their own dedicated blog.

Anyway, the actual thing that I've been musing about:

One of my new coworkers has mentioned she wants to read the whole Bible; I don't take issue with that. What keeps wandering through my head is, well... her methodology to make that happen. Instead of actually reading it and thinking it through, she's been using a program to basically line by line type it. So technically, she is still reading it but.....

Is she?

Some of this might be because I recently finished reading <책을 지키려는 고양이>, a book that concerns itseful, among other things, with how different people engage with the books that they read. One of the puzzles involved a person who read as much as quickly as possible, without regard for reading things more than once or at any speed other than as quickly as possible. Reading for the sake of saying you had done it, instead of for the joy the process gives you.

The way my coworker is 'reading' the Bible strikes me the same way. I suppose I don't see the point in such a reading--she types it, then goes to the next sentence, and speed seems to be the name of the game; once she finishes whatever she's typed for the day, she turns back to browsing other things.

There's no... reflection?

And that's weird to me, for a lot of different reasons. Some of it is because my own particular spiritual lens is deeply personal and calls for a lot of reflection and trusting my gut. Some of it is because of how I've seen my own (Christian) family members also read decide to read the whole Bible--and that this meant, to them, carefully reading over groups of chapters and then contemplating them at length, and trying to understand them through the lens of the present.

I guess I just don't see what she's getting out of 'reading' by speed typing every line without any particular reflection. It seems performative, but then, I guess that's her business and not mine. It just feels like there probably are much better uses of her time.

This is rather dashed off, but it's pretty interesting seeing people all over beginning to consider how to divide time in their hobbies. The most prominent example is, of course, tumblr, because I've seen all over from people migrating away how they want to reevaluate how they interact with fandom. There's so little time; how do we choose to spend it?

maybe all this shit isn't worth it and i'm not having a great time. maybe i got out of it what i wanted? i've now seen these ancient computers operate. i got to see it in crisp RGB on The Good TV, and now like. maybe i'm just Done.

— Graviscera (@gravislizard) December 5, 2018

I keep thinking about this tweet. Honestly, click through--I keep thinking about the entire thread, in relation to so many hobbies. It feels like it recontextualizes hobbies I've bounced off of, hobbies I keep going back to. Those realizations, over and over again, of how our time (what we do with it, how we change it) develops over time. 

Tumblr was, for me, always a great time, but how I was getting that great time changed drastically over the life of the service. When I started, it was definitely interacting with fandom--I was involved with a lot, I was writing more material for fandom than I had in years, and so on and so forth. By the end--and how it will hopefully continue, until finally the site is put down--it was all shit posts and sharing and hoping other people would enjoy the same weird neo dada humour that has been creeping into everything since. 

But a thread I kept seeing--and experience, if I'm honest--was how few people were interacting by the end. Of course there were people who I did, but so much of tumblr fandom was simply being able to churn out enough content to keep people around, or so it felt. It was distressing, and I stopped following several blogs just because it was too much stress to see how much engagement they would get with.. everything, and how much of that mentally I tied to their ability to constantly and consistently put out Content (tm).

idk idk this is all nebulous thinking

content culture is a thing now. time is limited, and grows thinner by the day as there's more and more that demands it. where and how and why do we want to engage with our hobbies--fandom or otherwise? I've dispersed between a few different platforms, and so much of it feels like a balancing act. What do I want to keep? How do I want to keep interacting?

I hope pillowfort survives it's closed beta--but how much of that is it's in between of tumblr and traditional blogging? How much of that is the fact that I don't have the time to devote to a proper blog anymore? How much of that is just not being familiar with trad blogging anymore?

How much of that is the conveniences of the vibrant and thriving Korean blogging community, which is so heavily intertwined with the news sites that it's trivial to find blogs to discuss things with people compared to how neatly segregated from... well, everything Dreamwidth feels?

How do I want to spend my time?