Meet Ugly #1 - A Horrible Blind Date
2018-Dec-20, Thursday 10:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
felicitygsWill I do a ton of these? Who knows!! But I've got a fair bit of spare time at the moment thanks to regular classes ending, and want to squeeze in a little more writing before 2018 calls it quits. So let's go!!!!
Steve is well-versed in having things go wrong. He's well-versed in embarrassment, well-versed in disappointment, in things just deciding to go sideways for no discernible reason (and sometimes do so for discernible ones). A lot of people forget that he was a scrawny runt of a kid, and didn't really hit his growth spurt until he was almost twenty-five (at least, the people who met him later in life; Bucky sure as hell as never let him live it down), but Steve knows, on an intimate level, just what it's like to be embarrassed.
And yet, and still, it feels like none of it prepared him for this.
So here's a tip from the newest date: don't spill the wine all over the table. He very much did not spill any wine on the table, and lo, we had a good date.
Steve got the text last night; he's left it on read since then, because part of him doesn't want to dignify it with a response. But the other part of him, the part that would yell at bullies, the the part that's some scrappy kid who just can't shut up, absolutely wants to give Loki a piece of his mind; eventually, that's the part that wins out.
I don't know how I could have predicted the waiter was going to bump into the table while I was pouring the wine, Steve shoots back, and then he pockets his phone, grabs his gym bag, and heads out for the gym.
He knows he shouldn't respond; that Loki's just trolling, but he can't help it.
It's not his fault their blind date was a disaster.
***
It was Thor who set Steve up on the blind date. Steve and Thor go drinking after work sometimes, and he's a good guy; when he found out Steve was bi, he immediately suggested getting Steve on a blind date, and Steve, somewhat tentatively, agreed. He had been looking into getting back in the dating scene, and it had, at the time, seemed like a good way to dip his toes back in the pond.
Unfortunately, Thor's brother is nothing like Thor--though for the best, Steve's not really attracted to Thor--and part of that 'nothing like Thor' is being an incredibly acerbic asshole. Maybe not an asshole. But Steve thinks may so, what with Loki texting him about every date since and all the ways they didn't go wrong the way their date had.
Which has the dual purpose of keeping the date fresh in Steve's mind and making him more and more sure that there really wasn't anything he could have done to change that.
How is a person supposed to plan for the entire universe sabotaging them?
And Steve's thought about this, over and over and over, because he can't help it every time he gets a new text from Loki. He's always been wary of people who say that the universe was out to get them because so many people love to shift the blame off of themselves, but their whole date really had been a comedy of errors, from the chair that broke when Steve sat down to the crab that escaped the kitchens to crawl up Loki's leg.
Maybe, Steve sometimes thinks, his mistake had been going on the blind date at all.
***
When Steve finishes at the gym and is on his way out, he lets himself check for a text from Loki. There is one, because it seems Loki (like Steve) can't help but try and get the last word in.
Maybe the whole universe was giving you a hint you were doing it wrong.
What's that even mean, Steve texts back, frowning down at his phone. The read marker and answer are almost simultaneous.
You're smart, figure it out ;)
Steve huffs and shoves his phone in his coat pocket. Better to not answer. Which he's been telling himself for the last three weeks since the date, and has failed to do for all those three weeks. But this time will (not) be different.
(His first thought can't possibly be right; there's no way that Loki actually would want to go on another date with Steve.
Right?)
***
"You're brother won't leave me alone," Steve tells Thor the next day. They're at lunch, sitting outside for one of that last truly warm fall days; all around them, the trees gleam gold and burst red, putting on one last show before they sleep for the year.
Thor takes a bite of his sandwich, chews, and looks thoughtful.
"Didn't you the date was a disaster?"
"It was."
"Oh. Then I think he likes you."
"That's--stupid. He just sends me rude texts about how much better his other dates are." Steve scowls at his soup, and rips a chunk of bread off the bread bowl to chew angrily instead of rant.
Thor starts to grin, and Steve's stomach (rebelliously) does a flip.
(Maybe his first thought was right?)
"It's not like him to," Thor pauses, considers a moment, then, "...keep contact with people he doesn't like. I think he likes you, even if the date went--well, it did go pretty bad. He told me about the crab."
"God." Steve wants to bury his face in his hands, and instead eats some more of his breadbowl. "Well, look, if he does, he should just say so."
Thor shrugs.
"He's never really done that. So I suppose you can continue to be obtuse about it, if that will bother you." Thor sounds so matter-of-fact, and Steve supposes he would be; he and Loki are brothers.
Steve just sighs and shakes his head. He really doesn't know how he feels about that, but, well... maybe that should be a problem for future Steve. Who's to say another date--if Loki even wants another date wouldn't go the same way? What if it wasn't so much a warning to do things differently as it was a warning to Stay Away This Boy is Bad News?
(And Loki is, Steve knows, deeply, Bad News, the same way Bucky was when Steve was thirteen and an idiot and smitten.)
"Maybe," Steve finally hedges, and then changes the subject so he can finish his lunch in peace.
(But still, he wonders, and maybe...)
***
It takes another two weeks--and two more other dates for Steve to finally snap and ask.
Look, I get it, our date was the worst date you've ever been on, but I don't see why you keep bringing it up unless you want another date, so either we do another one or you shut up.
He hits send before he actually can stop himself, and that little read marker pops up--but there's no answer or 'Loki is typing...' message, and Steve is pretty sure he just made an idiot of himself, an embarrassment, but--well--
What's it matter? He's had a lifetime of that.
And then--
F I N A L L Y. I was beginning to think you were an idiot. When?
A rush of air leaves Steve, deflates, and as annoyed as he is that Loki couldn't just come out and say, he can't help it--he's grinning, ear to ear, because maybe, just maybe, things will work out okay this time.
How's Friday at 9?
01. we were set up on a blind date but it went horribly, so now you message me every time you have a good date because you think your tips will help me in the future, you ass- from this list of meet ugly prompts
Steve is well-versed in having things go wrong. He's well-versed in embarrassment, well-versed in disappointment, in things just deciding to go sideways for no discernible reason (and sometimes do so for discernible ones). A lot of people forget that he was a scrawny runt of a kid, and didn't really hit his growth spurt until he was almost twenty-five (at least, the people who met him later in life; Bucky sure as hell as never let him live it down), but Steve knows, on an intimate level, just what it's like to be embarrassed.
And yet, and still, it feels like none of it prepared him for this.
So here's a tip from the newest date: don't spill the wine all over the table. He very much did not spill any wine on the table, and lo, we had a good date.
Steve got the text last night; he's left it on read since then, because part of him doesn't want to dignify it with a response. But the other part of him, the part that would yell at bullies, the the part that's some scrappy kid who just can't shut up, absolutely wants to give Loki a piece of his mind; eventually, that's the part that wins out.
I don't know how I could have predicted the waiter was going to bump into the table while I was pouring the wine, Steve shoots back, and then he pockets his phone, grabs his gym bag, and heads out for the gym.
He knows he shouldn't respond; that Loki's just trolling, but he can't help it.
It's not his fault their blind date was a disaster.
It was Thor who set Steve up on the blind date. Steve and Thor go drinking after work sometimes, and he's a good guy; when he found out Steve was bi, he immediately suggested getting Steve on a blind date, and Steve, somewhat tentatively, agreed. He had been looking into getting back in the dating scene, and it had, at the time, seemed like a good way to dip his toes back in the pond.
Unfortunately, Thor's brother is nothing like Thor--though for the best, Steve's not really attracted to Thor--and part of that 'nothing like Thor' is being an incredibly acerbic asshole. Maybe not an asshole. But Steve thinks may so, what with Loki texting him about every date since and all the ways they didn't go wrong the way their date had.
Which has the dual purpose of keeping the date fresh in Steve's mind and making him more and more sure that there really wasn't anything he could have done to change that.
How is a person supposed to plan for the entire universe sabotaging them?
And Steve's thought about this, over and over and over, because he can't help it every time he gets a new text from Loki. He's always been wary of people who say that the universe was out to get them because so many people love to shift the blame off of themselves, but their whole date really had been a comedy of errors, from the chair that broke when Steve sat down to the crab that escaped the kitchens to crawl up Loki's leg.
Maybe, Steve sometimes thinks, his mistake had been going on the blind date at all.
When Steve finishes at the gym and is on his way out, he lets himself check for a text from Loki. There is one, because it seems Loki (like Steve) can't help but try and get the last word in.
Maybe the whole universe was giving you a hint you were doing it wrong.
What's that even mean, Steve texts back, frowning down at his phone. The read marker and answer are almost simultaneous.
You're smart, figure it out ;)
Steve huffs and shoves his phone in his coat pocket. Better to not answer. Which he's been telling himself for the last three weeks since the date, and has failed to do for all those three weeks. But this time will (
(His first thought can't possibly be right; there's no way that Loki actually would want to go on another date with Steve.
Right?)
"You're brother won't leave me alone," Steve tells Thor the next day. They're at lunch, sitting outside for one of that last truly warm fall days; all around them, the trees gleam gold and burst red, putting on one last show before they sleep for the year.
Thor takes a bite of his sandwich, chews, and looks thoughtful.
"Didn't you the date was a disaster?"
"It was."
"Oh. Then I think he likes you."
"That's--stupid. He just sends me rude texts about how much better his other dates are." Steve scowls at his soup, and rips a chunk of bread off the bread bowl to chew angrily instead of rant.
Thor starts to grin, and Steve's stomach (rebelliously) does a flip.
(Maybe his first thought was right?)
"It's not like him to," Thor pauses, considers a moment, then, "...keep contact with people he doesn't like. I think he likes you, even if the date went--well, it did go pretty bad. He told me about the crab."
"God." Steve wants to bury his face in his hands, and instead eats some more of his breadbowl. "Well, look, if he does, he should just say so."
Thor shrugs.
"He's never really done that. So I suppose you can continue to be obtuse about it, if that will bother you." Thor sounds so matter-of-fact, and Steve supposes he would be; he and Loki are brothers.
Steve just sighs and shakes his head. He really doesn't know how he feels about that, but, well... maybe that should be a problem for future Steve. Who's to say another date--if Loki even wants another date wouldn't go the same way? What if it wasn't so much a warning to do things differently as it was a warning to Stay Away This Boy is Bad News?
(And Loki is, Steve knows, deeply, Bad News, the same way Bucky was when Steve was thirteen and an idiot and smitten.)
"Maybe," Steve finally hedges, and then changes the subject so he can finish his lunch in peace.
(But still, he wonders, and maybe...)
It takes another two weeks--and two more other dates for Steve to finally snap and ask.
Look, I get it, our date was the worst date you've ever been on, but I don't see why you keep bringing it up unless you want another date, so either we do another one or you shut up.
He hits send before he actually can stop himself, and that little read marker pops up--but there's no answer or 'Loki is typing...' message, and Steve is pretty sure he just made an idiot of himself, an embarrassment, but--well--
What's it matter? He's had a lifetime of that.
And then--
F I N A L L Y. I was beginning to think you were an idiot. When?
A rush of air leaves Steve, deflates, and as annoyed as he is that Loki couldn't just come out and say, he can't help it--he's grinning, ear to ear, because maybe, just maybe, things will work out okay this time.
How's Friday at 9?
(no subject)
Date: 2018-12-20 02:39 am (UTC)Also, I have a question. What is with the crab thing, 'cause when you posted some links on Tumblr recently I read another fic where there was a crab incident, and some commentary (in your tags, maybe?) about that being some kind of Thing. and I'm so much not in this fandom that I have no context.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-12-20 02:42 am (UTC)*wipes away a single tear* I'm so proud of this stupid headcanon.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-12-20 04:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2018-12-20 01:22 pm (UTC)